Sorry I've been away...

I think that I just need to feel bad for a while. I think that I will feel bad about losing my cat for a long time. Either way I don't want to brood any more. It doesn't help. I miss the little guy a lot though. He was my company all day and since I work at home alone it's been especially lonely around here. And all this happened on our birthday (Riley and I shared the same birthday). I watched my little friend struggle in the hospital with liver failure and finally said good-bye when it was clear that he was suffering.

The trouble is no one tells you how to do this. How do you mourn the loss of your pet? You're afraid to talk about it with people because some laugh, thinking that's it silly to feel anything at all; they are pseudo-sympathetic, but you can feel their wonder at your sadness. It leaves me feeling alone and very depressed. I'm glad that I have Geoff to share Riley's loss with. I know he feels the pain of Riley's death terribly. Every evening as Geoff got home Riley was the first to greet him at the door. Riley always sat on his chest as he watched t.v. and drank his beer. And every so often I would catch them in a friendly game of cat-boxing. They were great buddies. I miss having that warm sense of home that a cat brings to house. Maybe we may get another cat someday but you really can't just replace a friend.

Anyway, I guess this is why we have blogs. So we can write about what we are really thinking and those that care can listen and those that don't can happily ignore you. So this is where I am right now, a very sad lady who misses her cat. I will try not to blog about it too much anymore and get back to talking about books and politics. There is so much to talk about right now. But it is really hard to think about the silliness that is going on in this election campaign when my heart is broken.

Toni Morrison and The Boondocks

I suppose only in my brain can Toni Morrison and Aaron McGruder can be connected. Last night I finally got some sleep and I dreamed that I was having a reading for Aaron McGruder in my store, but no one told me so that I didn't get my Boondocks books signed but everyone else did. When I woke up I couldn't figure out why I had such a dream. Now it is so clear. Riley, my cat, was named after a Boondocks character. I miss the little guy. I hope that one day it won't hurt so much.

I've been listening to Toni Morrison's acceptance speech for the 1993 Nobel Prize for Literature. I'm not sure that it is comforting. Maybe it is the sound of her voice that soothes me. Her slow, careful, eloquent words remind me of the days when school teachers read to me. Their words would stick somewhere in my soul. What she has to say has resonance even more than it did back when she originally said them.

She is convinced that when language dies, out of carelessness, disuse, indifference and absence of esteem, or killed by fiat, not only she herself, but all users and makers are accountable for its demise. In her country children have bitten their tongues off and use bullets instead to iterate the voice of speechlessness, of disabled and disabling language, of language adults have abandoned altogether as a device for grappling with meaning, providing guidance, or expressing love. But she knows tongue-suicide is not only the choice of children. It is common among the infantile heads of state and power merchants whose evacuated language leaves them with no access to what is left of their human instincts for they speak only to those who obey, or in order to force obedience.

Mrs. Obama, Don't Apologize to Noboby!

I just lost my little best friend so my emotions are a bit raw right now. So I hope this doesn't come out wrong. I just heard what Mrs. Obama said about this being the first time that she's been really proud America in the last 25 years and I say "You go on, girl!" I know exactly what you mean. I've been damned ashamed of the country, too. Damned ashamed. In the last 25 years, I've seen so much shit and I'm sick of it. This is not the country I bought into and fell in love with when I first read the Constitution and the Bill of Rights when I was a little girl.

I think I get the Obama phenom now. Young people are saying that their sick of it, too. I heard Mr. Wilson, the husband of Valerie Wilson the outed CIA agent, say that this was an election about "kicking the bums out." With all due respect, sir, no it isn't. This is an election about Americans looking in the mirror and not liking what we see. We don't want to torture people. We don't want preemptive war. We don't want poisons sold to us as food and medicine. We don't want to lie to our children about how their bodies work or how the earth was made. We don't want to the kind of people who let their fellow citizens drown in flood waters. We don't want to be the laughing stocks of the world. We want real music back, so the record companies can go to hell. We'll get our music from the internet. We want real leadership, so the DLC, RNC, GOP, NBC, CBS, FOX, and every other abbreviation can kiss my ass. I'll read a BLOG. We don't want to live like this anymore. In other words, we want a CHANGE! In the last 25 years there really hasn't been much to be proud of as Americans, but we are making a new day -- we, on the Internet. At least we are trying to and that's more than I could have said even just six years ago. I'm really sad right now so I guess I'll stop here.

Riley Just died

My cat just passed away. I don't think that I will be blogging for a while. Sorry.

Happy New Year and Riley is on the mend!

The Holidays came with a great deal of extra stress this year as our beloved cat got very sick. Riley, named after a character in the Boondocks comic strip, is our bookstore cat and little friend. At first we didn't notice that he wasn't eating. He has always been a messy eater. It's just that lately he was getting much messier. In actuality, he has been eating less and less and spreading his food around his bowl. By Christmas Eve we knew it was serious, he had stopped going to the bathroom and had definitely stopped eating.

We were scared. So off to the vet I went with Riley in his Sherpa Bag carrier, vowing to call Geoff who had to go to work, with news of Riley's condition. Riley is notorious at our vet. There is a "**Caution**" written on his file, high-lighted in yellow. Riley, who is very sweet at home, reverts to his ancient savage past with low guttural growls that chill the blood. Our vet, who is a sweet young woman with frazzled hair, took one look at our hissing cat and said he would need to be sedated in order to be examined. Can't blame her, but that would also mean that he would be in the hospital ward all alone over Christmas. It was clear that the idea of that was too much for us to bare. Instead she gave us some special, highly nutritious food, so he could get away with eating just a little until he got his eating habit back and we took the little guy home. At first this worked, he ate the food and started going to the bathroom, but by the weekend he stopped doing both. It was official, our cat was sick.

On New Year's Eve we were back at the vet. This time there was no fussing about the sedation. We knew that it had to be done. The vet said that it might be liver failure and that he might have to stay overnight. The clinic would be closed the next day being New Year's Day so he would have to stay, by himself, over the holiday with just a technician checking in. He hissed and fussed but I said my good-byes as they took my little friend to "the back" to be sedated and examined. Then I went home and waited.

Both Geoff and I didn't get much sleep the night before for fear of Riley's health and I was exhausted. I knew Geoff was too, but he had to go to work anyway. Fortunately, it would only be a half day for him. I fell asleep on the couch and awoke with a tear running down the side of my face. What was happening to Riley right now? How was he being treated? Is he scared? Of course, he was. More importantly, is he going to be alright? I got the call at 3pm. Riley had impacted stool. They gave him an enema, emptied his bladder, and re-hydrated him. He also had a fever so he needed antibiotics. If we could administer the antibiotics ourselves, we could take him home! Geoff and I agreed that we could manage his care so we went back to the vet to get our friend.

I felt relief and joy while picking up Riley. We were the last ones there except for one sad looking lady. She said "Happy New Year" to us while trying to muster a genuine smile. We returned our "Happy New Year" greeting to her. I went on to ask if everything was alright with her pet. She said no and that her family doesn't understand. They think that she was nuts for caring so much. Geoff and I understood. Our pets are a part of our family; it hurts when they are sick. We wished her well and left to go home, grateful that, but for the grace of God, go we.

Max Cat Food Recalled?

We have been loyal users of the Max Cat Food brand for our beloved cat Riley since he was a kitten. We just went onto the manufacturer's site to see if they have had any problems with the pet food recall. The site seems wholly misleading to me. It leaves you with the impression that none of their food is being recalled when in fact some are.

This is what they said on their site:

(1) It has been reported that the recall is focused on products containing rice protein concentrate (also referred to as rice gluten) provided by Wilbur-Ellis Company.

(2) Nutro has never purchased or used rice protein concentrate from Wilbur-Ellis Company in any of our pet foods.

(3) Nutro uses rice protein concentrate in some of its products because it provides an important alternative source of protein for pets, especially for those with sensitivities to certain proteins.

(4) Natural Balance Pet Foods, Inc. is not in any way affiliated with Nutro Products nor Nutro’s Natural Choice®, MAX® or Ultra® brands.

To check the list of the food that is being recalled I used www.howl911.com. I don't trust the government anymore and I, most certainly, don't trust industry on this issue. They are lying to us or at least misleading us. Right now they are saying that only the canned and pouched (wet) food is affected but I'm seeing some articles that suspect dry food as well. I'm not sure what we are going to do. I think we are going to check with our vet to see what they suggest.